Simply Bliss Life Journaling Challenge Day 1 - Are You At Peace?

“When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.”

~Peace Pilgrim Quote

Are you at peace with yourself? If yes, What did you do to get there? If not what’s preventing you from being at peace?

- Journaling Challenge Day 1

I'm answering these more in detail in a private journal on a different website, but I am comfortable enough with myself to explain the broad stroke details over here, so I'll be posting these type of broad stroke entries here as well.

At the moment, the short answer is no, but I'd like to be.

What's holding me back? Well, it's complicated, but I suppose my year-long time in dialectical behavioral therapy groups explains some semblance of the why in a very metaphysical manner.

I'm (over)willful and stubborn and my resistance is the problem. I'm stopping myself because I'm familiar with the not-peace with myself. I want to try to fix things, even if they're not things I can fix. I'm having a hard time figuring out how to balance the desire for change and newness with the unfamiliarity of it. The fact that my life right now seems like a bunch of question marks kind-of scares me.

I'm also afraid what other people will think of me. Even though I know I'm trying to do better for me, I know I intrinsically need people and sometimes I'm afraid of how much to tell the people in my life about who I am and what I feel like for fear that they'll think something's wrong with me, and sometimes I feel that's not very far off from the truth. It's hard to see past my limitations when I don't know how other people will react to them.